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The doctor calls his patient by telephone:
"Vera, I have good news and bad news."
Well then, . . . tell me the good news first."
"The results of the analysis indicate that you have 24 hours left to live."
"Well, that's the good news? Then what's the bad news?"
"That I have been trying to reach you since yesterday."


A patient enters the doctor's office.
Doctor: "What is it that's brought you here?"
Patient: "An ambulance. Why?"


A guy enters a hospital to have a minor operation.
A nurse begans to take down his personal information.
"In case of emergency, whom should we notify?"
"Do you mean if I am just about to die?"
"Well . . . yes . . ."
"In that case, run and call a doctor!"
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Puns are word games like this:

- A dentist gets on everybody's nerves.

- The drunk said I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

- An unusual medical book is one which has no appendix.

- When one is afflicted with loss of balance they never quite know vertigo.