The same argument
Posted: Fri Dec 11, 2009 2:30 amI have gone through a number of websites including:
christianadvice.net/christian_advice_noframes.htm
gottman.com/research/about/
marriageadvice.com
relationshipgold.com/Marriage/avoidfights.html
advice.lovedetour.com/tag/marriage
savethemarriage.com/blog/labels/free%20marriage%20advice
The best advice I found is from christianadvice.net. The Scripture has been used to demonstrate what is meant by a good relationship/marriage. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” If we could regard a relationship as a special gift from God, and treat it as a platform to express godly love to the loved one, with the attitude to serve not to be served, we would not come across so many disharmonies in our relationship matters. I have always reminded myself of various verses in the Bible which help me greatly to accept the pitfalls of the other one, and to forgive him of his small mistakes. It's a continuous learning process, to break and to heal.
The most interesting advice I think is from gottman.com It's the website of an institute called The Relationship Research Institute which was created to foster research on marriage, couples, parenting, and families.
Gottman, the founder, said people don't get married, make friends, or try to maintain ties with siblings to have those relationships fail. Yet many fail because people don't pay enough attention to the emotional needs of others. Gottman further said that his research also shows that bids and turns help regulate conflict between people. Many conflicts are about the "conversation that never took place but needed to," a conversation that was fundamentally about emotional connection. "I had one couple in counseling and the husband said his wife never checked the oil in her car. He thought she was careless, but it turned out that she never knew a car engine needed oil. I think it is the same with relationships," Gottman explained. "People don't know how to maintain relationships and there is a great deal of misinformation out there. A relationship is about these small moments, these bids and responses. It is the way intimacy and trust are built."
The worst advice I found was from an article extracted from advice.lovedetour.com/tag/marriage. Basically the author advised couples to
keep separate spending accounts. The author said that the honest truth is that often the best way to handle arguments about money is to agree to disagree. The author highly recommended keeping one’s own personal spending account so that each can spend his/her money as one sees fit. Although it's a practical advice that the author gave, I think the author needed to elaborate a bit more on this point so that the readers won’t think that they need to hide their spending pattern from their spouses or partners.
christianadvice.net/christian_advice_noframes.htm
gottman.com/research/about/
marriageadvice.com
relationshipgold.com/Marriage/avoidfights.html
advice.lovedetour.com/tag/marriage
savethemarriage.com/blog/labels/free%20marriage%20advice
The best advice I found is from christianadvice.net. The Scripture has been used to demonstrate what is meant by a good relationship/marriage. Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” If we could regard a relationship as a special gift from God, and treat it as a platform to express godly love to the loved one, with the attitude to serve not to be served, we would not come across so many disharmonies in our relationship matters. I have always reminded myself of various verses in the Bible which help me greatly to accept the pitfalls of the other one, and to forgive him of his small mistakes. It's a continuous learning process, to break and to heal.
The most interesting advice I think is from gottman.com It's the website of an institute called The Relationship Research Institute which was created to foster research on marriage, couples, parenting, and families.
Gottman, the founder, said people don't get married, make friends, or try to maintain ties with siblings to have those relationships fail. Yet many fail because people don't pay enough attention to the emotional needs of others. Gottman further said that his research also shows that bids and turns help regulate conflict between people. Many conflicts are about the "conversation that never took place but needed to," a conversation that was fundamentally about emotional connection. "I had one couple in counseling and the husband said his wife never checked the oil in her car. He thought she was careless, but it turned out that she never knew a car engine needed oil. I think it is the same with relationships," Gottman explained. "People don't know how to maintain relationships and there is a great deal of misinformation out there. A relationship is about these small moments, these bids and responses. It is the way intimacy and trust are built."
The worst advice I found was from an article extracted from advice.lovedetour.com/tag/marriage. Basically the author advised couples to
keep separate spending accounts. The author said that the honest truth is that often the best way to handle arguments about money is to agree to disagree. The author highly recommended keeping one’s own personal spending account so that each can spend his/her money as one sees fit. Although it's a practical advice that the author gave, I think the author needed to elaborate a bit more on this point so that the readers won’t think that they need to hide their spending pattern from their spouses or partners.